29

Dear Poj,

When it rains, it pours. With blessings, I mean. Three wonderful things happened in a span of three days that I’m starting to grow superstitious of October. You see, September is a pretty hard time for me. I’m not sure if affirmation has to do with it. Subconsciously, I may be thinking September is always hard so it remained hard this year too. But October is like the sunshine after the storm. It’s so glorious, so bright, so beautiful that I wish it’ll be October the whole year long. Even more so this year because 10.10.10 fell on this month. Superstition or not, I’m happy of the blessings we’re getting.

Answered Prayer 1: You have a Yaya already

Your mom grew up with a Yaya. My Yaya Vicky was with me until I was 17 that I grow teary-eyed every time I think of her. So I wish the same thing for you too. I wish there was someone outside of family, that whether by obligation or choice, will take care of you like a delicate ceramic figurine. I wish I were one of those mothers strong enough to not need any help at taking care of her own daughter, but truth is, I’m not. I need help badly. No matter how hard I compartmentalize, I have so many obligations that they’re starting to come out of my ears. It’s been a great ride this year with just you and me. But you’re growing up, and my, you’re a handful. We need the extra hand, kiddo.

The new help's name is Joanna (very close to my own Johanna), and Dichi’s Yaya is called Janet (very close to your Ama’s Janette). Is this a fluke or what?

Answered Prayer 2: You’ve had sound siestas this week

I used to grow agitated every time deadlines came in because I knew you didn’t sleep so well in the afternoons. It’s too hot in the room and that probably added up to you having very little sleep come siesta time. 1 or 2 hours is usually your average. But lately, because of the cold weather, you’ve had really fitful sleeps.
This equates to your Mom having enough time to do her own thing. It’s like having an unexpected School day off. I can do a little reading, a little eating, a little movie watching, a little writing—-tidbits of things I usually do when you're finally resting at night time and the world is asleep as well.

Answered Prayer 3: Your mom’s been accepted to her first writing workshop

The third one is taken with mixed feelings. First, there’s panic with thoughts of ‘Why the heck did I volunteer myself to such a murderous act?’ and ‘I hope I don’t vomit when they’re reviewing my work.’ on top of the list. And ever since I’ve heard of the news an hour ago, I’ve been pacing back and forth wondering if I should go through with the execution or not. I can hardly grasp any comprehensible thought , let alone a good story. But yes, I’m going through with it. It’s been my dream to write for a living for as long as I can remember. I’m not about to take the coward’s way out.

The sad thing here though is that the three workshop days will be the longest time we'll be away from each other. Three whole days without you, and already I’m soppy about it. I hope you’ll understand someday, kiddo. Sometimes you just have to reach for that dream when it’s this close.

Nailbiting again,
Mom